Opening the Bisexual Umbrella

The Bisexual Umbrella covers many labels in our community. Image Source: Lille Skvat

It seems that the Bisexual, Lesbian, Gay and Transgender culture is becoming more and more mainstream these days. With President Obama's declaration of June 2011 as BLGT Pride Month, the case for marriage equality with the publicized prop 8 case in California and a victory in New York late in June--it is becoming more and more okay to be gay. But what about a bisexual man?

With articles in reputable publications like Phsychology Today or

Dan Savage's widely publicized biphobia it doesn't seem surprising that men are not comfortable living in the bisexual closet. Still, the facts remain that there are many men who identify as straight and yet are attracted to or even having sex with other men. How can the bisexual community welcome these men? What's more, is it necessary?

Within the BLGT community there is a lot of weight placed on honesty and being honest with one's self. Pride is a big deal. Parades and celebrations held throughout the country have become a symbol of a fight for acceptance--while the larger meaning of simply having pride and accepting ourselves is being lost in the battle. The visibility is proven to work and one needn't look any further than the climate in the BLGT community today versus twenty years ago--or even ten. Thanks to the growing number of Lesbians and Gay men that have spoken out and thanks to leaders like Harvey Milk who have paved the way for a society in which Neil Patrick Harris and his partner David Burtka are now going to raise their children as a married couple. A society in which the values of the traditional family have expanded to include a less "nuclear" model. A very strong argument can be made that this can be thanks to visibility. In the realm of bisexuality there is further proof that visibility is the path to acceptance. Madonna and Britney Spears sharing a kiss on MTV is a pop culture moment that validated things that were happening throughout the country. Echoed in storylines of popular television shows that feature bisexual women in important roles and storylines--Desperate Housewives, House, Bones, and Grey's Anatomy all feature very strong, intelligent bisexual women. The documentary Bi the Way brings bisexuality out of the television and makes it a hard cold fact. The end result? The label of bisexual brings forth visions of "girl on girl" action--while bisexual men remain carefully in the closet.

While women are enjoying a greater acceptance of their sexuality then ever before--men are still victim to the dreaded "myths" of bisexuality. The most common of these myths being that bisexuality is just a "phase" or that they are "bi now and gay later". Men do not have the benefit of strong, intelligent bisexual rolemodels in pop culture. Quite the contrary--author J.L. King chronicles the life and modality of men having sex with men in his book On the Down Low. The book decries the label of bisexuality, saying of it that labels bring men out of the moment taking away from the passion. The aforementioned documentary Bi the Way presents bisexuality as something that is acceptable for women while presenting the opinion that men purporting to be bisexual are confused and could be having an identity crisis. Add to this the repeated negative reinforcement from the media and the social stigma of men having sex with men as an emasculating act--and the picture begins to become clear. A man who is attraced to or even having sex with other men while simultaneously being attracted to or having sex with women is in a position to lose. He might lose his family, his status, possibly his own identity--frightening prospects, all. In the end, these are fears that are faced by anyone coming out--though it seems that the acceptance within the community and pop culture have allayed those fears.

Perhaps that most important struggle of all is to recognize that there is a juxtapositon between the position of one's sexuality and choice of label being very personal as set against the fact that visibility of open bisexual men will lead to the acceptance that is so craved. This is a position that has been understood by the BLGT community and will always lead to great debate. Choosing how to identify one's self and one's sexuality--whether openly or privately--is a personal one. A community struggling with identity and acceptance is able to celebrate its victories while also accepting the diversity of all of its members regardless of how they choose to identify themselves.